从Kuching 回家的途中，在飞机上看到这一幕令我鼻子微微地酸。
应该是两个小时的飞程令人疲惫不堪, Auntie 的腿麻痹了。uncle 就这样从容地把auntie的腿放到自己的大腿上，替她把鞋子袜子脱了，然后耐心的轻轻地按摩。有半小时了吧，轻声细语，按摩也很轻。
时代不同，现在好多热恋的年轻男女也这么做, 很平常。但我觉得在uncle auntie 恋爱的那个时代，男尊女卑还是很盛行。在很多kopitiam, supermarket 的地方，我很常看到这种年纪的couple, 男的在跟前很有型的逛着，偶尔会提个东西。女的通常都会在身后跟上。
轻声细语，轻轻地按摩。这个举动，uncle在大庭广众做得从容自在、理说当然，其实不轻。
很有质量的爱情。
那天
你说如果可以，你要陪我一辈子
你说如果可以，你要给我一个生活
那一刻，我的心突然满了起来
好像被什么东西装满了
让我有一种“这样子就够了”的感觉
那一天，我对‘满足’有了不一样的领悟
I am silly and weak, and I hate for being silly and weak. I really hate myself sometimes. I need to do something to fix the problem. I need help. I really need help.
Sometimes it is hard to believe in what your heart is saying. I thought I am a kind person with kind heart (or I should say I am trying to be) but I am not. I am a very selfish, jealous and over-sensitive person instead. I guess maybe the more I care a person, the more I hope the other person will put the same dedication like me. I wish I can do something to make myself perfect person. At least a girl with understanding and mature thinking. But if anything goes wrong or out of track, even though it is a small tiny little thing, these negative feelings will be invoked. I know this is very bad. And I feel very bad to have this kind of negative feelings. But I can’t help. I know I should not care so much.
I try to control, and do not let the selfish Yin Mei dominant my body. I have done a good job previously. But sometimes I am not that strong.
Whenever I feel myself useless, I feel like crying.
I like this, artwork from Peyton Sawyer.
In logic circuits world, most of the engineers do not like the signal to stay in unknown state. This is the time when a pull-up or pull-down resistor needed, to make sure the signal settle at ‘1’ or ‘0’.
Sometimes, life is a maze. I do not know what I want. I think I am in high-impedance mode now.
I need a pull-up or pull-down resistor.
Why people always leave.
Why things always change.
Why fairy tales always lie.
Why there is no 'forever' in this world.
Why people like to take things for granted.
Why I can be easily upset by someone.
Why god always take things away from me, especially things that I treasured.
Why it is so difficult to find a nice place to stay in Penang.
Why it is so hard to get the yoga class that suit me.
Why my rabbits always die.
Why I am always alone.
Why it is so hard to find the right companion.
Why tears always drop without my notice.
想念被束缚的日子
但是呆在你的身边时
我又暗地里策划下一次的出走
感情的经营
往往标签着无法预知的风险
我曾经很害怕
有一天我们彼此回头会看不见对方
但是现在我却想出去透透气
I want to get all these things for myself, step-by-step.
6. GUCCI classic tote
and therefore I’ve cried for 6 times.
and it is very hard too, to take him away.
God, I am so sorry to say that I hate you that day. I didn’t mean to.
I don’t want to ruin the game, break the rules and mess it up. Can you please take back all these out-of-track thingy, cuz I want to get back to the right track. The right track that it used to be.
Time to clean up the mess, maybe.
But it is so painful to clean it up.
It is killing me softly.
God, please help me.
I am swimming towards this direction for years. But he just informed me that I was heading to the wrong direction. Should I switch to the correct way, or continue?
Sh*t , he should have told me earlier.
I think he is just joking with me. I guess.
作曲：深白色
演唱：孙燕姿
If you try to control me
Then, mutual trust doesn’t exist anymore
If mutual trust doesn’t exist between us
I will not love you anymore
很想找个人分享
那种Party狂欢后
一群人的互动
酒精带来的空虚
还有残留下来的悸动
酒和烟的味道
一种界于控制跟失控之间的矛盾
那一刻，我还以为生活都快要脱轨了
有时候，我真的享受距离带给我的自由
