** 五月憩园 **

There are more than two close friends tell me recently, that I always over-stress myself and try to absorb everything, even though that is beyond my capability and bandwidth.

I agree. I think I am. Hoping myself as a super girl since I was young.

My teacher nominated me as the class monitor during my standard-1 in primary school, because I was in the 1st place during the kindergarten final exam. She explained to me the role of a class monitor and I consulted a few adults at that time (including dad, mom, grandma and my piano teacher) to understand what a class monitor should do. Based on my survey, seems like a class monitor has great responsibility and I need make sure my friends behave really well as a good student! So, I was in big stress at that time. Dad and mom noticed this when I cried in the school because my friend (forgot her name already) refuse to do and submit her homework. After that, they came to school and asked teacher to demote me, because they wanted to save me out of the stressful role.

During my brother’s first day in primary school, I was in standard-2 and so worry that he might not know how to buy himself a plate of wantan mee in the canteen. To me, it was really difficult and confusing during my first day in primary school. The auntie will yell at you and if that was me, I will feel panic and keep telling myself that ‘no yin mei, you shouldn’t cry in front of your friends’. I was not sure if brother can handle this kind of pressure or not. And the canteen floor is really slippery; you can easily fall down and make your uniform dirty. That will cause another round of pressure when you get back home and questioned by grandma. I was so stress and worry about him.

When I was in secondary school, I worry about my exams. Dad and mom told me that I am the smartest among the children in my family and I can study very well. That means I need to score more As la right? I think so. No choice lo, have to be more hardworking. PMR and SPM are nightmares. I had migraine frequently during the secondary school time.

Since the day I had my first ABRSM exam for grade one piano exam, my piano teacher told me that I have talent in music. And I can play the music very well (she said). That means I have to score better in the next exam la right? I think so. So I need to be more hardworking in piano practice, but I hate it! I was so worry that dad and mom (or other family members) will think sending me to piano class is a waste of money and that is going to make them feel really sad. Because our family isn’t that rich. So, no choice la. I had to bear with those painful moments, when teacher hits my fingers with her ruler because I play the wrong notes.

Now I am working in the industry. I still don’t think that I know how to handle stress and relax myself. I worry about my parents’ health condition and I want them to retire and enjoy life. I worry about my cousins, they are growing up and having teenage issues. I worry about grandma, she is getting weaker and weaker. I worry about ten. He is ambitious and I need to make sure I give necessary advices so that he won’t be too ambitious. I worry about Yin Keng, don’t know when can she meet her Mr. right. I worry about my close friends. I hope they are not having a lot of issues in their life. I worry about my career, not sure if I am doing the right thing and making the right move.

I wish I am a super girl. A super girl who is capable and can handle everything really well.