** 五月憩园 **

Priceless

0 comments Posted by May*mei at 10:54 AM

从Kuching 回家的途中，在飞机上看到这一幕令我鼻子微微地酸。

应该是两个小时的飞程令人疲惫不堪, Auntie 的腿麻痹了。uncle 就这样从容地把auntie的腿放到自己的大腿上，替她把鞋子袜子脱了，然后耐心的轻轻地按摩。有半小时了吧，轻声细语，按摩也很轻。

时代不同，现在好多热恋的年轻男女也这么做, 很平常。但我觉得在uncle auntie 恋爱的那个时代，男尊女卑还是很盛行。在很多kopitiam, supermarket 的地方，我很常看到这种年纪的couple, 男的在跟前很有型的逛着，偶尔会提个东西。女的通常都会在身后跟上。

轻声细语，轻轻地按摩。这个举动，uncle在大庭广众做得从容自在、理说当然，其实不轻。

很有质量的爱情。

说什么天长地久

0 comments Posted by May*mei at 8:38 PM

有一些回忆很痛
但我依然得时常提醒自己
要拿出来反复的复习

是的，我是放下了
但我不会假装要把往事看得云淡风轻
我一定要提醒自己不能忘记

我不可以忘记你那一晚，垂头丧气
说你没有办法你什么也做不到
“你就恨我吧”
多不负责任的一句话

我不可以忘记
我是如何对你死心

Yin Mei, I am so sorry

0 comments Posted by May*mei at 8:09 PM

I can accept failures, but I cannot accept not trying.

I can accept failures, but I cannot accept that I fail in this way!

I am late I am late I am late I am late I am late I am late I am late I am late I am late I am late I am late I am late I am late I am late I am late I am late I am late I am late I am late I am late I am late I am late I am late I am late I am late I am late I am late I am late…

I wont let this happen again, I wont let the next chance to slip over my palm again
I SWEAR TO MY GOD

因为爱情

0 comments Posted by May*mei at 9:59 PM

给你一张过去的CD
听听那时我们的爱情
有时会突然忘了
我还在爱着你

因为爱情简单地生长
依然随时可以为你疯狂

好美的意境
在哪找？

爱自己

0 comments Posted by May*mei at 7:55 PM

被派出去深圳公干，我获益不少。被huawei managers骂了以后，我变得更强。其实，那一刻除了坚强也没有别的路可以走…

When you have been through the worst, nothing can be worse than that.

回槟城以后我一直那么说。

我更懂得爱自己，懂得欣赏所有经历和起伏。

“面对它，接受它，处理它，放下它”

-- 张小燕教我的一句话

矛盾

0 comments Posted by May*mei at 12:05 AM

我应该是个很矛盾的人

有时是很有理想的人，有时是个得过且过的人

有时是个很随和的人，有时是个很蛮不讲理很主观的人

开心有时，失落有时

积极有时，偷懒有时

精明有时，糊涂有时

我到底是哪一种人？

放生

0 comments Posted by May*mei at 2:24 AM

看着我眼前不知所措的这个人，我忽然明白不是每个问题都有解决的方法。不断地钻牛角尖好像只是在问题的原地里踏步。逃避又好像很没骨气。唯一的出路，难道就是放下？

看着我眼前不知所措的这个人，我明白，我们的问题没有解决的方法。不是他无能，而是问题的解决方法根本都不存在。连我自己也没有信心，我怎么可以要求他创造奇迹。

看着我眼前不知所措的这个人，除了叹息，还有什么我们可以做的呢？

深呼吸，我要前进。

我好笨，我为什么要花将近一年的时间来看透这件事情。

Everything will be ok in the end, if it is not ok, that means it not the end yet.

我终于释怀。

大日子

0 comments Posted by May*mei at 7:16 PM

看到很多朋友的facebook status开始有很多冬至的祝福留言，还有朋友watsapp的短讯，我发现又快一年了。大概傍晚的时候，我expect的电话来了。

“Arloo, ah 媚啊？”
“Hello? Ah poh 啊？”
“Harllo?? ”
“婆，我听到。我是ah 媚啊”
“ah 媚啊，你听到没有？”
“我听到，我听到。你吃饱liao mah？”
“我还没有啦，很早啦。他们都还没有冲完凉。”
“oh，你打给我做mo?”
“哈哈，没有啦。大日子嘛，你知道没有？哈哈”
“我知道，冬至嘛对不对。”
“是lo是lo，做mo你又懂的？哈哈”
“我当然懂啦。”
“大日子咯，婆婆想到你咯。哈哈。有没有出去吃好料？”

我中午毕业后一直在外生活，但是每到中秋、冬至这些大日子老佛爷都会打个电话给在外的孙子孙女，从不间断。我很庆幸，老佛爷还有力气给我打个电话。

好催泪的电话。简单又窝心。

对我来说，大日子的意义应该是这样吧。

不酷的我，不哭

0 comments Posted by May*mei at 1:01 AM

我以为我已经痊愈
但原来我只是一直在逃避

逃避
其实也不过是用另一种方式在伤害自己

我又回到阴暗处
自舔伤口
自我怜惜
一点都不酷

我讨厌不酷的自己
我至少要做到
如何让不酷的我，不哭

In time

0 comments Posted by May*mei at 10:46 PM

In this movie, when you die, people will not say that ‘she is dead’. They will say ‘she is timed out.’

好奇妙的一个说法。所谓死亡，就是你拥有的时间用完了。就是那么简单。

In this movie, everyone carries a life clock. This life clock tells how much time you left, before you are timed out. It keeps counting down, every second. You can earn, steal, borrow or even gamble to win more time for yourself. Just like money.

有点像真实的世界不是吗。我们都知道，我们拥有的时间一直都在倒数着。但是最不同的是，我们的life clock是看不到的。你不会知道家里的父母亲还剩下多少时间，你还有多少时间去孝顺。你不会知道你恨的人还有多久会消失在你眼前。你不会知道你爱的人还能陪在你身边多久。你不会知道自己还有多少时间去和你care的人相处，或者想想那个你恨的人值不值得你用剩余的时间去恨他。

如果你只剩下一天的时间，你会珍惜那一天，还是会用那一天的时间去争取更多的时间？

3 stars for Yin Mei!

0 comments Posted by May*mei at 10:45 PM

Time flies. People starts wearing those Halloween costume, November is coming.
It's close to a year.

Am I getting better? I don't know.

But I know I am getting stronger.

3 stars for myself!

~May, 2011~

Milpitas, San Jose

Trying hard to score 3-stars

For angry birds and for myself

Thanks to my sifu

Who help me to get through all those obstacles

The world of misunderstanding

0 comments Posted by May*mei at 10:48 PM

I don't like to be misunderstood.
I hate when I can't find the right word to explain myself.
I hate when I have tried my best but still, you do not know what I mean.

I also hate when I caused inconvenience to you unintentionally, put you in a bad bad situation. And yet, I do not know how to help. I am sorry.

不值得

0 comments Posted by May*mei at 11:38 AM

好想离家出走
我躲在箱子里太久了
Let me get out here

我应该早一点醒觉，这一切其实都不值得

:(

0 comments Posted by May*mei at 11:26 AM

To make sure that I am doing the right thing, I typed "How can I get rid of sadness" in Google. And then I got this page.

"We all have bad days, but don't let them ruin how you feel about yourself and others. Bad is what we assume that something bad is going to be the result, but, believe,whatever bad happened to us will be healed by Time."

Seems like it is a well-known facts that time can cure. Alright, I will continue to let time pass like how it should.

如果时间能治疗所有事情

时间，你能不要能跳快一点

好伟大的梦想

0 comments Posted by May*mei at 12:44 PM

I browsed through the youtube that day, when I was really bored. I found a video recorded from ‘China got talent’. There was a 12 years old Mongolian boy sings in the competition. I wasn’t quite impressed by his voice because I can't really understand the lyrics. But I was stunned, when he told the judges about his dream：

我要发明一种墨水，把那墨水在地上一点，全世界就会变成绿草

I want to invent a kind of ink that just need a drop to drop on the ground, the whole world will cover with green grass

He lost his parents when he was 8. And still, he came out with this statement when talk about his dream in life. At that moment, I feel embarrassing for being an adult. I have tons of complaints about my job and my life, and I don't contribute enough to help the community. I know I should appreciate for being myself, as I am in a better position compare to those unfortunates at the other side of the world.

活该

0 comments Posted by May*mei at 11:26 PM

一个月又一个月的过
时间并没有让我淡忘什么
我的呼吸反而变得越来越沉重

我该如何走出这个阴影

严重的是
都已经走到了这个地步了
我还不觉的后悔

这时候
除了“活该”
我也不知道该对自己说些什么

我该如何走出这个阴影
我该如何走出这个阴影
我该如何走出这个阴影
我该如何走出这个阴影
我该如何走出这个阴影
我该如何走出这个阴影

怎么办

救命

到底追求什么？

0 comments Posted by May*mei at 7:02 PM

长相的厮守
还是短暂的温柔？

前者先苦后甜
后者先甜后苦

都是一样的

死性不改的三个人

0 comments Posted by May*mei at 5:33 PM

以前我们在red box最爱点的一首歌 -- 死性不改
那时侯还真是百唱不厌啊，呵呵

以前大学时，又爱玩又爱美
现在还是一样，还真是死性不改

快要是我们相识十周年了
人生有多少个友谊可以让我们挥霍十年的呢

死性不改的我们，一定要过得很好哦

p/s: Please forgive my skill again and the blue color stool. I was feeling tired to stand :p

What hurt the most

1 comments Posted by May*mei at 9:21 PM

It's not the goodbye that hurts

But the flashbacks that follow

I wish I am a super girl

1 comments Posted by May*mei at 1:30 PM

There are more than two close friends tell me recently, that I always over-stress myself and try to absorb everything, even though that is beyond my capability and bandwidth.

I agree. I think I am. Hoping myself as a super girl since I was young.

My teacher nominated me as the class monitor during my standard-1 in primary school, because I was in the 1st place during the kindergarten final exam. She explained to me the role of a class monitor and I consulted a few adults at that time (including dad, mom, grandma and my piano teacher) to understand what a class monitor should do. Based on my survey, seems like a class monitor has great responsibility and I need make sure my friends behave really well as a good student! So, I was in big stress at that time. Dad and mom noticed this when I cried in the school because my friend (forgot her name already) refuse to do and submit her homework. After that, they came to school and asked teacher to demote me, because they wanted to save me out of the stressful role.

During my brother’s first day in primary school, I was in standard-2 and so worry that he might not know how to buy himself a plate of wantan mee in the canteen. To me, it was really difficult and confusing during my first day in primary school. The auntie will yell at you and if that was me, I will feel panic and keep telling myself that ‘no yin mei, you shouldn’t cry in front of your friends’. I was not sure if brother can handle this kind of pressure or not. And the canteen floor is really slippery; you can easily fall down and make your uniform dirty. That will cause another round of pressure when you get back home and questioned by grandma. I was so stress and worry about him.

When I was in secondary school, I worry about my exams. Dad and mom told me that I am the smartest among the children in my family and I can study very well. That means I need to score more As la right? I think so. No choice lo, have to be more hardworking. PMR and SPM are nightmares. I had migraine frequently during the secondary school time.

Since the day I had my first ABRSM exam for grade one piano exam, my piano teacher told me that I have talent in music. And I can play the music very well (she said). That means I have to score better in the next exam la right? I think so. So I need to be more hardworking in piano practice, but I hate it! I was so worry that dad and mom (or other family members) will think sending me to piano class is a waste of money and that is going to make them feel really sad. Because our family isn’t that rich. So, no choice la. I had to bear with those painful moments, when teacher hits my fingers with her ruler because I play the wrong notes.

Now I am working in the industry. I still don’t think that I know how to handle stress and relax myself. I worry about my parents’ health condition and I want them to retire and enjoy life. I worry about my cousins, they are growing up and having teenage issues. I worry about grandma, she is getting weaker and weaker. I worry about ten. He is ambitious and I need to make sure I give necessary advices so that he won’t be too ambitious. I worry about Yin Keng, don’t know when can she meet her Mr. right. I worry about my close friends. I hope they are not having a lot of issues in their life. I worry about my career, not sure if I am doing the right thing and making the right move.

I wish I am a super girl. A super girl who is capable and can handle everything really well.